


S. S. Misery

by fetuscakes



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Human Gems (Steven Universe), Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-08-22 08:12:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8278999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fetuscakes/pseuds/fetuscakes
Summary: Both Jasper and Lapis Lazuli are soldiers for the Glorious Motherland. It is the best country, always victorious, always triumphant. Or at least so they are told. Did the army really fail to crush the upstart rebellion of that two-faced, unpatriotic Rose Quartz?And who is this boy Steven, supposedly the son of the rebel leader?





	1. Jasper

**Author's Note:**

> This is not set in our reality or the canon SU one. It's an alternate world where Homeworld and Earth are actually two countries divided by an ocean and Homeworld has the superior military technology. The science here is a bit loose, allowing for mass-produced test tube babies, steam-powered airships and first aid sprays that heal wounds instantly. To get a sense of the technology of this reality, think of Bioshock's Rapture and allow the same kind of artistic licence for physics and medicine.

It was late at night, but Jasper could not sleep. The little girl sat up from her steel bed and looked at the rows and rows of identical beds, most of them empty. Only the few beds closest to her own were occupied with small shapes, smaller than her; they were lit by the faint greenish glow of the back-up lights. She looked at the metal plate on the headboard of her own bed. “Jasper Facet-9B6L Cut-4XJ”. The other headboards were similar, with slight differences at the end, 4XK, 4XL, 4XM and so forth. 

The girls themselves were also supposed to be almost indistinguishable from each other but...they weren’t. They were very different. Some girls were short and round, others were tall and skinny, some had arms or legs that were too short and others were missing eyes. Each girl was completely different from her neighbour, and this was wrong. 

 

Jasper knew that they were not supposed to be like this. Nobody had directly told her, but she could tell from the looks and whispers their assigned supervisors. 

“This batch came out wrong.”   
“What a waste of resources.”

“Can we salvage  _ any _ of them?”

“Agate is not going to be happy with this.”

“Never mind Agate, Pink Diamond is going to be...disappointed.”

 

Such were the not-so-subtle murmurs of the Peridot supervisor for Jasper’s group whenever the girls were outside exercising. Jasper did not understand everything, but she had the feeling that her group was a source of dread and disappointment and that any day this terrible Agate would arrive and declare them all unfit to be soldiers. Because that was something she knew with certainty: they were supposed to be soldiers. They were  **made** to be soldiers.

 

At five years old, little Jasper quietly cried herself to sleep, dreading the notion that she was not good enough to be Pink Diamond’s soldier. 

~~~~

 

The dreaded Inspection Day came and there were even less girls in the group than originally. Nobody knew what had happened and nobody dared ask. Some went for a trip to the infirmary for a “check-up” and never came back. It was always the girls that had trouble breathing or running. 

 

Jasper stood in line the rest of her group, standing tallest as she always had. They were lined up in the order they had been “born”. Beside her was the smaller Jasper 4VO, whose left arm that was unusually short and thin with only two fingers. They had been placed next to each other recently, after another “mysterious” disappearance.  

 

The Agate inspector walked down the line looking at each Jasper briefly, her lips pursed in distaste. She was the first Agate-level soldier Jasper had ever seen and she was terrifying. She was tall, imposing, and with her dark orange uniform and her metal rim glasses she made quite an impression on Jasper.

Alarmingly, she stopped in front of her and looked at her closely.

“Now what do we have here?”

Jasper did not move or say anything, just as she’d been taught. She did her best not to tremble.

“Here’s a fine specimen...turn around, girl.” Jasper did so and then felt a small pressure on her back, followed by the sound of a metal tape measure uncoiling and then quickly recoiling. 

“Astounding…” She hear Agate say softly. “Peridot! Is this girl the same age as the others?”

“Yes Agate, she was emerged on the same day as all the other ones in this group.”

“Yes...impressive…” Agate had taken off her glasses and rested one of the arms on her lip, apparently deep in thought and not taking her eyes off Jasper. She was thoroughly inspected, Agate appraised her arms, legs and even her teeth. Eventually Agate seemed to be satisfied and made a few notes on her clipboard. 

“Hm, at least this group was not a  _ complete _ failure.”

She then caught sight of 4VO and her small smile turned back into a frown. “Well anyway, you’ll turn them over to me tomorrow and they’ll begin their proper training. We need them to be ready to be shipped out in less than ten years if possible,” She looked at 4VO’s small arm again. “the ones that survive anyway.”

 

At age six, Jasper knew what it was like to be singled out for being exceptional. It was both terrifying and elating.

~~~~

 

They were doing endurance training and 4VO was failing. Jasper watched from sidelines of the course, becoming more and more apprehensive. She watched her fall over the tires they were supposed to jump through three times too many. The whistle blew and she was taken out of the course without even getting to the rope swing section. Jasper hugged her knees close to her chest, wondering how tests one could fail before...before the end.

 

VO was her best friend in the barracks since they had been together in the same emergence group. They had been mixed in with other groups of Quartz cadets; amethysts, chalcedonies and young agates but even in this mix Jasper stood out as a prodigy. At first she had thought she was remarkable because her own group of Jaspers had so many defects but soon she’d learned she was special all around. 

The other Quartz cadets didn’t really appreciate this, and called her “the chosen one” sarcastically, but none of them dared pick a fight. Jasper didn’t care about not making friends with the other Quartzes as long as she had VO. They’d learned that the army was desperate for soldiers and the higher ups were willing to overlook “deficiencies” as long as a soldier could still fight.    
But recently VO had gotten worse. Her eyesight was slowly fading and she wasn’t growing fast enough, despite eating the exact same rations as Jasper. She did fine with written tests, but she was getting worse and worse with the physical aptitude ones.

 

That night Jasper had trouble sleeping, having uneasy dreams about 4VO being taken away; of shadowy figures coming and injecting something in her friend’s neck. 

She started awake and she realized that it wasn’t a dream, VO’s bed was empty. She could see three figures dragging a fourth away. Jasper bolted out of bed and caught up with them, recognizing Agate but not the two med-team Citrines holding her friend.

“Wait!” She exclaimed breathlessly.

Agate paused and then signaled the other two keep going. “Wait!” Jasper repeated a little louder, and tried to reach out but Agate put herself in the way. 

“What is it?” The higher ranked soldier asked coldly.

“I…” Jasper watched helplessly as she saw her friend getting further and further away. “w-what’s going to happen to her?”

“I think you well know what this is about. We’re in the middle of war, we can’t afford to waste time training useless cannon fodder.”

“She’s not useless! She’s quite smart! It’s just that her body-”

“We need fully viable soldiers, cadet!”

“Maybe she could not be in the field, but maybe she can be a tactician or something! I can more than make up for-” Agate’s hand struck her cheek with enough force to turn her head. Jasper fell silent and dared another slap by looking over Agate’s shoulder. Her friend was gone. 

“You’re forgetting your place! Jaspers are supposed to fight in the field, in the thick of battle! A Jasper soldier that cannot do that is an  _ embarrassment _ !”

Agate adjusted her glasses and gave Jasper a piercing stare. “And I never want to hear you say that you’ll pick up the slack of someone else again. Listen, 4XJ, you’re going places. If everything goes according to plan you’ll be placed in Pink Diamond’s court within five years or less. But that’s not going to happen if you let yourself be weighed down by...mistakes. You’ll do well to remember that.”

 

At age twelve, Jasper learned the cruelty of her own homeworld army. That night she decided she would not be a victim too, not like her “sisters”. She’d never give them a reason.   

~~~~

“Don’t smile, don’t meet her eyes, don’t talk unless you’re directly addressed.”

“Yes’m, Agate.”

Agate and Jasper were standing outside the door of Pink Diamond’s war office. As Agate was busy making sure their uniforms were impeccable, Jasper looked down and noticed that for the first time, she was taller than her mentor. Heck, with her thinner figure she looked downright feeble next to Jasper. She caught a glimpse of her own reflection in of the windows and allowed herself a small smile. All that training had not been for nothing, she’d gotten  _ big _ . Even the other Quartz cadets were in awe of her now and there were rumours in other divisions of the perfect soldier. Enough rumours to catch the attention of General Pink Diamond herself. 

“Right, we’re going in, look alive!”

The passed the set of steel doors into a command room filled with screens on two walls and a large table with several maps on it in the centre. Two Pearl servants were bustling about, putting things away and typing away at certain keyboards. At the far end of the room, in a red leather chair with the army shield stamped at the top, was she. Pink Diamond herself. 

 

Despite herself, Jasper was getting a bit giddy and nervous approaching one of the generals. Her nervousness increased as they got closer and she realized that Pink Diamond was taller than she was. 

Not only was she formidable, but she was incredibly beautiful. Everything about her screamed elegance, intelligence and might; even as she was casually sitting. Jasper felt something she’d never felt before, a mixture of admiration, longing, fear and desire. She was star-struck by Pink Diamond.

She almost flinched when Pink Diamond leaned forward.

 

“So...is this the perfect Jasper everyone is talking about? She is certainly quite a figure.”

“Yes, my Diamond!” Did Agate’s voice just squeak? “I’ve brought her here to get your approval to add her to the Elite Corps right away! If you’ve seen her file you can see that she’s outperformed her peers in every test and that she’s above the top percentile in every fighting category!”

Pink Diamond flicked her eyes at Jasper, peering at her through her long lashes. “And what do you say Jasper? Are you ready to crush this rebellion with me? Are you prepared to fight in the war?”

“Y-yes, my Diamond!” Jasper executed a flawless salute. “I’d be prepared to lay down my life for you!” And she meant it. Not just for the sake of being the perfect soldier, but for the chance to impress her general.

Pink Diamond let out a small exquisite chuckle and Jasper could feel herself blushing. “Excellent, well Jasper, we’ll see how you do in battle. If you do as well as my expectations I’ll have a mission just for you ready when you return.”

 

At age sixteen, Jasper felt undying loyalty for the first time. She knew her crush would be unrequited and she didn’t mind.

~~~~

To say that Jasper took to battle would be an understatement. She  _ loved _ fighting. Stalking, chasing, and coming down on her prey, she lived for that moment. Being surrounded by enemy soldiers and going all out was euphoric, almost orgasmic. Her mind went blank from everything except the brawl and no one could stop her. The fact that she was winning victory after victory for her Pink Diamond only made her happier. It seemed logical that she was handed a special assignment.  _ Take down Rose Quartz _ . Without their leader the rebellion would soon fall apart and they could go back to colonization.

As much as she hated Rose for antagonizing her Diamond and her country, in the few months Jasper fought against the rebellion she grew to begrudgingly respect her tactics. The rebellion was outnumbered and outclassed but they still managed to deal a lot of heavily blows. Jasper was sure that it was because nearly all the rebels were defectors from her army. Ungrateful traitors, they had learned to campaign with her military academy and used it against their motherland. No matter, Jasper would crush all of them.

 

She met Rose in the battlefield almost by mistake. The rebels were really good at hiding the location of their leader and their bases so finding oneself face to face with Rose Quartz was like winning a lottery. Despite having never seen her before, Jasper knew it was her right away. Who else but Rose would have ridiculous pink sword and that stupid rose emblem on her shield. Plus her height and those ludicrous pink curls, there was no mistake. 

As soon as she spotted her, Jasper charged full force, hoping to take her by surprise. But just as she was ready to ram her axe into her back, a small figure jumped in front of her. A lithe Pearl wielding two swords confronted her.

Jasper almost laughed. Pearls were not soldiers! But the Pearl ran forward, clearly intending to run her through with her swords, so Jasper got serious. She dodged and swung her axe wide and was surprised to see the Pearl gracefully avoid it. This Pearl had clearly trained for battle, and was using her small frame to her advantage. Elegantly, almost delicately, this Pearl avoided each of Jasper's swings and countered with a powerful thrust from her swords. At one point her sword got close enough to Jasper's face to scratch her cheek. Pearl was not playing around. Well, neither was Jasper. She decided to put an end to the battle, and charged more offensively. She lashed out, she feinted and she managed to kick Pearl square in the stomach, knocking out her wind and her swords. 

Jasper raised her axe, ready to get rid of Pearl when something hit her hard on the shoulder. 

 

She turned to see Rose herself brandishing her sword and yelling “leave her alone!” so she had to dodge quickly. She took a few step backwards to be able to look at her shoulder. She was bleeding, but not badly enough to stop her from fighting. 

“Rose Quartz! I’ll take you down in the name of Pink Diamond!” She charged at Rose, who was now one-handed because she was balancing her Pearl on one shoulder. For a brief moment Jasper thought this would give her a big advantage in battle but it barely did. Rose was indeed a daunting enemy.

 

They fought fiercely, with Jasper swinging mercilessly but unable to get through Rose’s impenetrable defense. At the very least, she was making Rose step backwards. Jasper could see the sweat on Rose’s brow and the tiredness in her eyes. One lucky swing, one missed step, and Jasper would end the rebellion. She was so close.

Something fell next to them and they both realized it was a live grenade and jumped away. Coughing, her eyes watering from being so close to the blast; Jasper could see Rose disappearing through the smoke and debris and knew she had missed her opportunity. More than that, she knew Rose had not fought at her full potential, carrying that Pearl around. 

If Rose had given her full attention, Jasper might have lost for the first time. 

 

At seventeen, Jasper knew bitter disappointment. She was robbed of her glory.

~~~~

“Pink Diamond is dead.”

Jasper was struck speechless. It had been bizarre to be pulled out of the battlefield and be summoned to General Yellow Diamond’s war office. She’d been hearing odd murmurs and whispers of a catastrophic defeat on her way here but usually she wouldn’t believe anything until she read the official report. Was hearing it from one of the generals herself official enough?

“From this moment on, you report to me.”

Jasper still could not answer, she could barely jerk her head in a nod. 

“Good, now rally your battalion, we’re pulling out immediately.”

Jasper raised her head again, her face filled with confusion, but Yellow Diamond’s expression made it clear her judgment was not to be questioned. It was weird how Pink Diamond and Yellow Diamond were made from the same genetic material and yet were so different. Jasper didn’t find Yellow Diamond beautiful at all. 

“How...how did she die?” Jasper had to know. Yellow Diamond raised an eyebrow until Jasper remembered her place and muttered “my Diamond”.

“Rose Quartz herself assassinated her.”

 

When she was eighteen, Jasper was denied closure.

 

She “returned” to the Glorious Motherland that she’d been fighting for her whole life but had never seen before. She was hailed as a hero and showered with praise and honor despite what felt like a humiliating defeat. 

Officially, they had won. But the Motherland always won. A scenario in which their great army was defeated was simply unacceptable. Nobody questioned the fact that they never invaded that country again, despite it being rich in precious resources. 

Years passed and Jasper began hearing half-truths and distorted stories about how gloriously her army fought. Hearing accolades heaped upon her when she had failed at protecting the one person most important to her made her feel like a half-truth herself. It gnawed at her. It didn’t help that there was always that lingering doubt if she was truly strong enough to defeat Rose Quartz.

If only...if only there was any way to go back to that failed colony. If only she could once more visit the place of her birth. “ _ Burn the whole place to the ground _ ” she would mutter to herself. What did she want to erase? Her country’s failure? Or her own?

 

And one day opportunity knocked. She was handed an assignment to escort a Peridot on a surveillance mission to  _ that place _ . Jasper felt a surge of emotions as she read her mission objectives, a confusing combination of expectation and dread. 

Her eyebrow rose as she noticed that there was an extra folder in her mission file. A blue Air Force standard folder. Curious, she opened it and saw a very an almost empty file on a Lapis Lazuli soldier that had gone missing and had recently been found again. Well, less “found” and more “she purposely ran into a base and said she’d still been fighting in the rebellion war all this time”. Jasper was surprised she had not been held in interrogation longer with that sketchy story but then she saw  _ where _ this Lapis had been lost for all those years.  _ That place _ .    
  


She read her mission protocol again and saw she had clearance to interrogate Lapis any way she saw fit “within reason”. It basically meant “don’t break all her bones”. Jasper briefly considered grilling this Lapis on everything she knew about the Crystal Gem rebels and Rose Quartz but she realized she would not be satisfied with that. She needed to know, to _ see _ with her two on eyes.


	2. Lapis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis has been trapped in hostile territory for many years, with no way to get back to her home and no friends. Once an aristocrat, then a pilot and now a prisoner unknown to her jailers, Lapis is wondering if her humanity is slipping through her fingers like her freedom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ended up being very different from the Jasper chapter because I don't have Lapis quite as figured out yet. She intrigues me a lot

Lapis could not believe her incredible bad luck. After being stuck for years, years in a hostile country with all communication cut off, she had finally managed to return to her home country only to learn that the rebellion war that had stranded her was not only over but forgotten. Not only that, but the army still expected her to return to active service right away. Not only that, but she was to go back to the miserable country where she had spent all those miserable years because apparently she was the closest thing they had to an expert in that area. 

 

She hadn’t even come to this country to fight. She was shipped there on a diplomatic mission, a supposed short visit. And yet within minutes of landing, her unit had been attacked and she suffered a devastating blow on her spine. She woke up, surprised to be alive, in a hospital belonging to the rebels that was almost immediately captured by her own army. But without her uniform and her escort, they thought she was part of the rebel army. They had questioned her. Show us your base! where is your leader? but she couldn’t speak. Then the invading army abruptly pulled out, abandoning the hospital, abandoning her.

 

While being held in a protective intensive care cell, she saw a flash of light through the window. It was followed by what she could only describe as the most uncomfortable and painful mixture of light and sound. After it was over she realized the glass on her cell had protected her from the worst of it. She shuddered to think what would happen to anyone that had been directly exposed to that.

 

She survived alone long enough to recover the use of her legs and then escaped the hospital to find herself in a country ravaged by war and not a friendly soul in sight. Eventually she learned the rebellion soldiers, those so called Crystal Gems, were still there, though greatly reduced. She didn’t risk speaking to them or anyone else since it would be considered an act of treason. But where was the army that would punish her? Here and there she found abandoned buildings and artifacts left behind by her compatriots, but nothing of the army itself. 

 

Eventually she found a computer, a behemoth of a machine made of thousands of brass panels and vacuum tubes. It was partially broken, like most of the other contraptions, but it still worked enough to turn on and accept certain commands. Lapis decided to stay with it since it was the closest she could to interacting with a friendly face, as pathetic as that was.

 

To her dismay the Crystal Gems discovered the computer too and began to make frequent trips to see what they could learn from it.   
After many hacking attempts they learned that whoever had the computer last had erased all the data related to the recent rebellion war and all that was left was canned lectures on the history and culture of the Motherland. Their visits to the computer stopped completely after that and Lapis was left alone to fiddle with it. Her injury had made her lose her ability to speak, so she learned how to prerecord sounds and play them back to make sentences. Unfortunately, this meant her speech was completely limited to things people said in the vicinity of the computer’s microphone. Initially she could also use pre-recorded lectures but the cellotape deteriorated over time until it was nothing but useless bent ribbons.  
Thus Lapis spent nearly fourteen years in hostile territory, stealing food and speaking to no one except a slowly disintegrating computer. She made some exploratory trips to scout any way to get back home, but she never strayed far or long. She did not trust the Crystal Gems and now that the army had pulled out they were the only force to be reckoned in the area. She discovered an ocean outpost not far from her hiding place. 

 

It was a huge platform, slowly rusting and disintegrating and the locals left it alone because the access ladder had been reduced to a pile of jagged red metal.   
Luckily Lapis knew such places always had escape hatches and after some searching she found the hidden way in. The main control room had been reinforced with concrete so it had escaped the worst of the salt degradation and even seemed to be in good working order.   
Lapis discovered that this outpost had probably belonged to a high-ranking admiral or even a general because it had tremendous power. It could raise or lower the massive dam gate that had been built to keep out the ocean, though this was lowered right now and had been for years. It also had a sabotage explosive charge with the power to level the entire coastal shelf. But what interested her the most was the fully operational escape airship.  
To her complete despair, the little airship require a voice key activation to turn on. How on earth would she get a recording of someone saying “initiate flying sequence”? Would a recording even work?  
Even if she could get off the ground, she would probably crash it within minutes of take off. Her eyes had been hurt by the bright light of the blast and she could no longer see as far as a pilot needed.  
Lapis wanted to scream and cry in despair; but her voice was gone and the tears would not come.

 

~~~~~  
“Look Steven, this computer has lots of information about our culture and history, just like your “school”!”  
“Cool! How does it work?”  
One day, the rebellion soldier Pearl showed up with a young child Lapis had never seen before, but she could guess who he was.   
Last time the Crystal Gems had been around they had talked of their leader Rose Quartz being pregnant by one of the local men. This had stood out to Lapis because she had never heard of a Quartz soldier getting pregnant. Soldiers had been artificially incubated for so long Lapis had just assumed they all lost the ability to breed with wombs. Did this mean all soldiers could have children if they wanted?  
She was shaken out of her thoughts by the sounds of Pearl typing commands into the computer. There was a ping soundbyte and even though Lapis could not see the screen right now she knew what it said: “Error: instruction at referenced memory could not be read”.  
Pearl tried a few more commands but the result was all the same, eventually she picked the microphone and tried to dictate instructions.  
“Computer; show me the ship landing area.  
“Computer, show me the Diamond Battleship.   
“Computer, play the guidance audio for newly-landed soldiers.”  
Eventually, she grew exasperated and shouted “show me anything!”  
If Lapis could, she would have made the screen display “access denied” along with an alarm soundbyte.

 

“Sorry Steven, it is in pretty rough shape. It must finally be broken..”  
“That’s okay! Can I still look at it?”  
“Of course, just make sure to put everything back the way it was.”  
Lapis had to wonder at that last instruction, since as far as Pearl knew this computer was a useless hunk of garbage. Maybe Pearls never stopped tidying up, no matter how long ago she had rebelled. 

 

Steven began to play around with the computer, poking buttons and pulling levers. He found a damp box of punch cards and made a card castle with them, but they were too soggy to for a good foundation. He was putting the box back when he noticed a handheld transceiver. He picked it up and pressed the button and it crackled into life, buzzing with static.   
“Wow, is this a walkie-talkie?”   
Lapis had the counterpart right next to her, she had given up long ago in contacting her army but she did not have the heart to throw it away. As soon as Steven turned on the other one, a green light shone on hers.

 

Steven started saying gibberish into his transceiver and began walking away. When he was out of earshot, Lapis turned hers on and listened to Steven make fart noises with his mouth and laughing to himself.   
There was something almost...charming about Steven’s innocence. Something that drew her. She knew for a fact that he was too young to remember anything about the rebellion war, heck, he had probably been conceived after the end.   
After a moment’s hesitation, she turned on the computer’s recording program, registered another raspberry and played it back into the two-way radio.  
There was a moment of silence before Steven excited voice came back.  
“Wait, that was that you?? Did the computer make that sound?”  
Quickly, Lapis recorded and played back words, trying to make a coherent sentence.  
“You! Make sound?”  
“That’s my voice! Oh this is wei- ow!”  
“Hey, watch where you're going, you little f...Ssssteven!”  
That was a voice that Lapis did not recognize, it sounded older than Steven’s and a lot angrier. Still, she was happy that she now had Steven’s name recorded.  
“Ssssteven! you're -y voice -‘s my voice!”

 

Soon Steven understood that Lapis could talk but only with whatever noises she could record. He still thought he was talking to a computer and she didn’t try to correct him that. How could she even explain it?  
It surprised Lapis that Steven was so happy to make a new friend, because he was not a lonely kid. He talked about Connie, Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, Dad, Lars, Sadie, Peedee and too many others for Lapis to keep track of. Why was Steven so enthusiastic about talking to her, about finding out what she liked, when he had so many others?

 

She wouldn’t admit it, but listening to Steven talk to her and constructing her answers made her feel warm inside. For the first time since she had been abandoned, she felt less lonely. She even liked it when Steven called them “beach-summer-fun-buddies”.

 

“Anyway, I fixed the computer!” Steven had probably gone home and was talking to the Crystal Gems.  
“Excellent work, Steven!” That was Pearl’s voice, sounding genuinely congratulatory.  
“You didn't tell me it's like a person.”  
“Wait. What?”  
“Yeah! Say ‘hey’!” Lapis knew Steven was addressing her, but she didn’t dare to respond. Steven was friendly, but as far as she knew the Crystal Gems would still haunt down any member of the army. “Lil' buddy?” For the first time in fourteen years her invisible position was threatened. But had she been planning to hide out indefinitely? “Uh... excuse us.”

 

Suddenly Steven’s voice was softer, as if he was whispering. “Come on. You want to talk, don't you? You have so much to say and funny noises to share from across the ages. Are we not summer-fun buddies?”  
Lapis was filled with apprehension, but at the same time she didn’t want to lose her connection with Steven, however small it was. She played the raspberry sound.  
Steven laughed, “Just couldn't help yourself, huh?”  
“Just for -you- Ssssteven!”

 

In the background, the rebellion soldiers were speaking, and their voices were not happy anymore. “It's talking to him? It shouldn't be able to do that. I-it should just be following orders…”  
“Garnet, do something.”  
“Steven, where did you egt that transceiver? Was it with that old computer?”  
“Y-yeah, it’s the computer talking!”  
“I don’t think so, I think that’s a person.”  
“But how? All it can do is use recorded sounds!”  
Lapis could feel anxiety rising in her chest. Should she run? How could she let Steven know this was a bad situation. She played the sound of Steven shouting “noooo!” repeatedly.  
“Steven, give me that.”  
“Wha…”  
“Steven. Don't make me have to take it from you.”  
Lapis slammed the repeat button, playing Steven’s cry of distress over and over. Her mind racing. Even if Steven was on her side, the Crystal Gems were going to be looking for her. Actively looking for her this time. The computer room was no longer safe. She wasn’t listening to Steven arguing with Garnet until she heard a noise like a smack.

 

“Aah-aah! I'm sorry!” She heard Steven’s panicked voice apologizing and running footsteps. Lapis herself felt the panic welling up in her. She hated the uncertainty of not knowing what the Crystal Gems would do. If they were still flat out enemies, she would not hesitate to make her last stand to the death right then and there. But the rebellion was had been over for years, it was possible they had moved on. And she did not want to hurt Steven and hurting his friends would certainly upset him. 

Her hesitation delayed som much that by the time she ran outside Steven was there.   
“Oh, so you are a person! But-but you probably can’t speak, right? Take this! It was my dad’s!”  
He handed her a device as big and as a typewriter though not even half as heavy. She did not have time to mime the question of what it was because the Crystal Gems were approaching. She nodded at Steven and dashed off. 

 

She ran to the admiral’s platform next to the ocean. She managed to get in through the escape exit and bolt the steel door behind her. Having gained a little breathing room, she investigated the device Steven had given her. It had a keyboard, a small black screen and small speakers on either side. She discovered that she could type in words and the machine would sound out the letters.   
For a moment she was overcome with emotion. Steven had given her a voice! But she soon remembered her precarious position.   
Looking around, she saw this platform had a P.A. system that surely would be heard outside.  
“s.t.a.y.a.w.a.y.i.w.i.l.l.h.u.r.t.y.o.u.”  
To show that she was serious, Lapis pulled the lever to activate the dam. The massive structure groaned with a dull roar that could be felt more than heard which shook the whole beach. The massive metal and concrete gate covered in seaweed rose out of the water and blocked off the ocean. The waterline receded and sandy longshore troughs were exposed.  
“g.o.a.w.a.y.l.e.a.v.e.m.e.a.l.o.n.e.”  
They did not leave. The Crystal Gems, Steven two people she could only assume were Connie and Dad stayed at the beach alternatively trying to contact her or break into the base.   
Lapis threatened to blow up the coastal shelf if they did not retreat, knowing she’d probably die in the process. Whether they thought she was bluffing or the threat actually made them try harder, they did not stop. Lapis herself wondered if she was serious. 

 

Would she commit suicide here by blowing up the dam, after so many years evading capture? Or would she let herself be taken prisoner again and leave her fate in the hands of her former enemies?  
“I want to talk to you!” Lapis picked the two-way radio she had been ignoring for the past hour. That was Steven’s voice. “Please…”  
Lapis hesitated. Would Steven still like her and be her friend even though she just threatened his friends and his homeland? Threatened him?  
She decided she had nothing left to lose. One way or the other, this was her last day trapped in this place, and at the same time her last day of freedom.  
“c.o.m.e.t.h.r.u.h.a.t.c.h.o.n.l.y.s.t.e.v.e.n.o.n.l.y.s.t.e.v.e.n.”  
It suddenly occurred to her that her suicide mission would probably kill Steven too. She watched attentively as Steven climbed towards the escape hatch he had seen her climb into and when others made to follow him, but he waved them away. Convinced of his honesty, she unlocked the metal door and let Steven in.

 

Steven looked around for a moment before focusing on her. “You’re...Lapis Lazuli, right? Pearl told me, based on how you look and your clothes.”   
Lapis nodded, but she didn’t look at Steven. She faced the escape airship wistfully and hugged herself.  
“M-my friends think you’re here to cause trouble, b-but I think they’re wrong.” Steven looked slightly distressed at the idea that his family was wrong but he pressed on. “I think you’re here because you cannot leave, even though you want to, right?”   
Lapis nodded again and sank down on the floor.   
“Why can’t you go?”  
She gestured at the command module and typed into the text synthesiser.  
“I.m.h.u.r.t “  
“Where?”  
“m.y.s.p.i.n.e.I.c.a.n.t.t.a.l.k.o.r.s.e.e.w.e.l.l.”  
Steven looked at her intently and then an the command module. He then took something out of his strangely sandwich shaped backpack. It was a large syringe filled with a clear pink-tinted liquid.  
“This is a healing serum, it’s really incredibly powerful! My mom made this formula. Let me use it on you, ok?”  
Lapis looked doubtful. The Motherland army had developed their own serums but they were rather limited and her injury was old. Then she remembered she had nothing to lose. She took a deep breath and nodded to Steven.  
“Oh, uh, sorry, this might feel a little weird.” He motioned for her to turn around and she did so, not knowing what to expect. She felt the prick of the needle and then a sharp pain as it entered her spinal cord, but then almost immediately her pain was gone and was replaced by an immense feeling of relief.   
She gasped. Within seconds, all the pains, all the faint numbness and discomforts were gone and she felt whole again.

 

She turned around and smiled, truly smiled for the first time in fourteen years.   
“Thank you, Steven!”  
Steven smiled back at her. “No prob, Bob.”  
“... my name is Lapis.”  
“Oh, heheh, yeah.”  
With a new spring on her step, Lapis turned inputted the command to lower the dam again. The rush sudden of water would cause some flooding but she didn’t care. She then walked directly to the airship, activated it and gave Steven one last glance and a smile before climbing aboard.   
She flew away, leaving behind a young boy staring at the sky.

 

The Lapis in the present smiled bitterly at her reminiscences. Here she was, on an army ship headed straight back to that accursed place. Even the idea of seeing Steven again couldn’t make her happy, because they were probably going to hurt him.

 

Lapis Lazuli looked out the small window of her holding cell, into a beautiful starry sky and wondered if she’d ever regain any sense of freedom ever again.


	3. Malachite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a world of humans, fusions are either children or machines

Lapis hugged her knees close to herself in the ship’s holding cell, wondering what was going to happen. After all those years of longing to go back home it had not occurred to her that she wouldn't be welcomed back. She had not exactly expected a parade in her honor, but being questioned and then conscripted on a mission as a informant with prisoner status was a rough awakening.

 

It wasn’t entirely unexpected that the higher-ups at the military would still consider her an active soldier. Her country was a military dictatorship, always was and will be. Still, she thought she might have earned a  _ little _ respite, given how long she’d held out in enemy territory and the fact she was not exactly a worthless novice cadet. Wasn't her rank supposed to be that of warrant officer? While her training had not been focused on offence, she was certainly no slouch. But things had changed around since the war, a lot and she’d missed out on it. 

They treated her as “suspicious”. Not suspicious enough to keep her at the prison base but enough to make her travel in a locked holding cell.The possibility of being labeled a traitor gnawed at Lapis. 

 

She looked around her cell with its metal-plated floor and walls and the door with a food hatch and a small viewing window with bars. So in the years she was gone it seemed the motherland had perfected their knack to build things that were sturdy, pragmatic and sophisticated.They seemed to use a lot less metal than before though; and the metal she did see was recycled or had been melted from a bigger piece. When she had entered she had seen that the whole airship was built out of sleek varnished wood and metal and everything was polished, purposeful and spartan. No extra wasted space, nothing out of place. Nothing except perhaps a beleaguered, weary veteran. 

 

“Lapis!”

She turned around, startled. Steven, the local boy who she’d made friends with was standing at the door of her holding cell, peering through the bars and sporting a nasty black eye. Behind him was a solider that Lapis did not  recognize but no doubt another member of the Crystal Gems.    
It was hard to believe that such a naive, open and affectionate boy would be son of the fearsome Rose Quartz, and yet here he was, looking worried.    
“Lapis, I can get you out!”

“Stop!” She cried before he could mess with the lock and alert everyone on the ship about his presence 

“It’s okay, I can-”

“No, I don’t want your help! Things are bad enough as it is! Once we get back to the base, they’re going to decide what to do with us.”

The soldier next to Steven threw up her arms in frustration. She was older than the ones Lapis had met and was wearing a red shirt that reminded her of the army uniform from at least a couple of decades past. “Ughh I don’t have time for this!” she shouted and ran off.

  
“Steven, whatever you’re doing just stop. If we do everything they say they might go easy on us.”

“But they’re...mean! They hurt my friends, they hurt my face! They’ve got you here in prison!”

“That’s why we can’t fight them.”

Steven shook his head. “That’s why we  _ have _ to fight them!”

Lapis didn’t answer. She wanted to agree but her fear overwhelmed her. She knew what happened to traitors. Oh yes, they made sure to make examples of them.  _ Shattering _ was more than just an execution, it was agonizing torture, it was complete erasure of the victim. She turned away from Steven, hugging her legs again.

“I’ll come back for you.” Steven stated. And it was certainly said as a statement, rather than an emotional promise. 

 

She sighed into her knees. She so tired. Tired of hiding from the Crystal Gems, tired of being attacked for being associated with a country known its aggressive colonization tactics, tired of worrying whether she might live or die for being confused for someone who wanted to enforce the colonization or rebel against it. Either way she got treated like dirt, like everyone’s suspicious stowaway, their cagey prisoner.

 

They didn’t care. And, Lapis realized, neither did she. She never cared about rank, she didn’t care about the motherland, or whatever new mission she was supposed to accomplish right now. She didn’t care about the Crystal Gems or their rebellion. Stars, she hadn’t even cared about her original mission or the war when she first landed there. She had been ambivalent at best, just following orders to avoid getting in trouble like every other conscripted soldier. But she thought about how nobody had come to look for her, how they hadn’t wondered where she was for all that time, resentment grew more bitter in her chest.

If they treated her as a traitor, what allegiance did she owe them?

 

~~~

In the bridge of the ship, Jasper looked at the coastline of the enemy country, deep in thought. Even though she had been made here, she was filled with contempt for it. This feeble place was nothing compared to her own glorious motherland, it was only good for exploiting its natural resources. And yet….   
The only warrior that had ever earned Jasper’s respect outside of a Diamond was the rebellion leader Rose Quartz. Jasper hated her, hated her for robbing the motherland of the resources they were entitled to, hated her for assassinating her Diamond general, hated her for defying the motherland and spitting on the face of what elite Quartz warriors like themselves were supposed to represent. But she couldn’t deny the the admiration she had felt for Rose’s fighting prowess. They had only met each other in battle once, briefly, but it had been enough to see how powerful she truly was.

She had joined this mission of escorting a Peridot cadet who was doing reconnaissance because this was area where Rose Quartz was last seen. There were rumours that Rose was dead but the stupidly named Crystal Gems rebellion group was still around. She didn’t believe it was possible that fearsome Rose was gone but her cronies had managed to outlive her. It was something she wanted to confirm with her two own eyes.

 

She heard running footsteps and turned around to see the apparent new leader of the Crystal Gems, Garnet. She had been captured on the beach along with the last stragglers of the rebellion, but now she had obviously escaped. Jasper had heard rumors about her; she was the child of a former aristocrat renowned for her uncanny ability to sense the future and a platoon soldier that had been tasked with protecting her. Their joint defection to the rebel army had been a huge scandal, not least because they had reverse engineered their army’s artificial insemination technology to conceive a child of their own despite being two women. 

She wrinkled her nose at her. How dare she stand so tall and proud when she was something so  _ unnatural _ ? Children -future cadets-, were supposed to be made and incubated in labs, not conceived and gestated in a womb like some kind of animal. Soldiers are not supposed to  _ breed _ . 

 

Speak of the devil, the two disgraces were behind Garnet. Why else would a Ruby foot solider be holding hands with someone as high ranking as a Sapphire? Their age and their Ruby’s out-of-date uniform jacket was confirmation enough. 

Jasper was a bit surprised to see how much taller Garnet was than her parents, in fact she was almost as tall as her. She was also surprised that Garnet seemed be her own age, perhaps even a bit older. But that didn’t matter, Jasper had been  _ made _ to fight, and she was perfect. 

Huge, formidable, capable, that’s Jasper. And she was about to show these embarrassments how pathetic they truly were.

 

~~~

 

An explosion followed by a horrible screech interrupted Lapis’ brooding. She stood up and immediately regretted it because the floor shook so bad she fell on her face. As she tried to regain her balance she felt the whole ship go down.  _ Is this how I die? _ She almost laughed. After surviving so long she might meet her end in a forgotten hold, thrown away as always. 

 

The crash was spectacular and took out the whole ship, but it wasn’t enough to kill her. She threw some debris off her and didn’t even pause to check her scrapes. Nothing was broken and that was enough: she getting out of here. But before she could take two strides and strong hand brusquely yanked her back. 

 

“Come here, brat! Ah, don't leave so soon.” It was Jasper, the escort that had been assigned to this mission. Lapis didn’t know her but she knew from her rank and bearing that she had been there for the rebellion war too.   
  


“Listen Lapis, I need you to commandeer a ship with me!”   
“What?!”

Jasper pointed at a metal beach platform that had been built by the motherland army during the invasion. It was very similar to the platform Lapis had used to hold the ocean hostage, but this one was not build as commander base, this one was a launching base. It was in surprisingly good shape for something out of use for so many years, if you could count on motherland for anything, it was to build weapons that last. There was a big bronze plate on the wall of the platform that read  **Submarine warship Malachite (amphibious assault submarine) Authorized personnel only** .

Lapis had seen it before, but had never bothered to even try to break into it. Such ships always required a minimum of two officers to even turn on.

 

Lapis caught Jasper’s meaning. Warships always required two officers’ authorization and synchronization to operate. If warship had been abandoned around the same time Lapis had been hurt and incapacitated, then her passwords to operate the weapons would still work. And if they did not, she was still trained to navigate it. Lapis looked along the beach and saw the Crystal Gems in a huddle, standing defensively and waiting for her and Jasper to make a move. Steven was with them too and it looked like he wanted to step forward but the Crystal Gems wouldn’t let him.

 

“How long did they keep you trapped here in this miserable hunk of rock of an island? These ‘gems’? They’re traitors to the motherland! They kept you prisoner, they used you! This is your chance to take revenge!”

Lapis didn’t move. All the resentment and anger inside her was bubbling up at Jasper’s provocation. Ah, but it wasn’t just the Crystal Gems she was angry at...

“C’mon, just say yes…”

“Lapis, don’t do it.” Steven was pleading. She looked at him. 

Steven had stood up for her against Garnet, the elite soldier of the rebellion. Garnet was an intimidating figure for most people, but for Steven she was that  _ and _ an adoptive mother; slapping her hand away must have been terrifying. He had done that for her. Steven. The one that knew nothing about her but still became her friend. Steven who would indoubtably suffer is Jasper got her hands on him or a powerful weapon.

 

Scrounging up her courage, she made her decision. Without a word, she offered her hand to Jasper and let herself be led inside the platform, down to the submarine. She could hear Steven shouting but she focused on her task. As they climbed on the bridge and into the command centre and set the ship in motion, she saw the hungry smile on Jasper’s face. 

She had a rabid and violent urge to wipe that smile off, to switch it into a grimace of pain.  _ I want to hurt her _ . Forcing herself to breathe through her nostrils, she kept a poker face and typed in her passwords into the weapons module. They still worked. Motherland must have a desperate and pathetic exit if they had to abandon a versatile ship like Malachite. Looking at the command buttons, she realized Malachite was built for flying too. Her specialty. Too bad they were not going to use it.

 

Jasper was actually laughing gleefully as she readied the weapons and aimed them at the Crystal Gems. Lapis noticed they were  _ her _ unlocked weapons Jasper was commandeering.  _ I want to make her suffer _ . She kept her face neutral as long as she could and then with no warning jolted the control column backwards. Malachite shuddered and went away from the Crystal Gems and into the sea. The force of the movement had been enough to slam Jasper into the control panel and knock the wind out of her. “W-what are you doing?” she gasped.

 

“I’m done being everyone’s prisoner! Now you’re  _ my _ prisoner!” The radar beeped as they left the border of the coastal shelf and Lapis pulled the lever for full descent. “And I’m never letting you go!”

Clutching her side, Jasper reached for the lever, but Lapis strained it backwards until it broke. Now they could only move the ship side to side, unless the lever was repaired, but she wasn’t going to let that happen.

“Let’s stay on this miserable ship,  _ together _ !”


End file.
